Will AI Replace Old-Fashioned Matchmakers? The Short Answer is No

As Artificial Intelligence or AI becomes more intelligent, experts warn that our society isn’t prepared for the changes on the horizon.

AI has the potential to play a role in matchmaking and has already been used in certain aspects of the process. However, completely replacing humans as matchmakers is unlikely and would present several challenges.

AI algorithms can analyze vast amounts of data and make predictions based on patterns and preferences. In the context of matchmaking, AI can assist by suggesting potential matches based on compatibility criteria such as interests, values, and relationship goals. Dating apps and websites often employ AI algorithms to provide recommendations to users.

There are several common complaints that people have about dating apps and websites. Here are a few examples:

• Lack of Authenticity: Many users complain that profiles on dating apps and websites don’t accurately represent the individuals behind them. People may use outdated or misleading photos, exaggerate their accomplishments, or lie about their interests. This lack of authenticity can lead to disappointment and frustration when meeting someone in person.
• Overwhelming Number of Options: Dating apps and websites often offer a vast pool of potential matches, which can be overwhelming. Some users find it challenging to sift through numerous profiles and feel decision fatigue when trying to choose someone to connect with.
• Superficial Judgments: Dating apps and websites often rely heavily on initial visual impressions. Users may judge others primarily based on their profile photos, leading to a focus on physical appearance rather than deeper compatibility factors.
• Limited Communication: Some users feel that the communication features on dating apps are insufficient for getting to know someone. Limited messaging options or shallow conversations can make it difficult to establish meaningful connections.
• Unsolicited Messages and Harassment: Online dating platforms can be prone to unsolicited messages, inappropriate behavior, and harassment. This can be a significant concern for many users, particularly women, who may experience unwanted attention or offensive messages.
• Matching Algorithms: Some users express dissatisfaction with the accuracy of matching algorithms. They may feel that the suggested matches do not align with their preferences or fail to consider important compatibility factors beyond surface-level information.
• Ghosting and Lack of Accountability: Ghosting, where someone abruptly stops responding or disappears without explanation, is a common complaint. Many users also feel that there is a lack of accountability on dating apps, with people not taking responsibility for their actions or treating others with respect.

These complaints may vary depending on the specific dating app or website being used. Yet at Elite Connections International and other matchmaking services, we are seeing an increase of people moving away from Internet dating and back to traditional matchmakers because Internet dating has made them miserable.

Matchmaking involves more than just data analysis. It requires understanding human emotions, desires, and complex interpersonal dynamics. Real live experienced Elite Connections International matchmakers bring a level of intuition, empathy, and understanding that is challenging if not impossible for AI to replicate. Matchmaking often involves personal interviews, getting to know individuals on a deeper level, and providing personalized advice and support.

Additionally, matchmaking is a subjective process, influenced by cultural, social, and personal factors. Different individuals have unique preferences and perspectives on what makes a good match. AI algorithms, while efficient in processing data, may struggle to capture the intricacies and nuances of human preferences and emotions.

While a software engineer may have a high IQ, the matchmaker needs to have high levels of emotional intelligence, or high EQ. With almost 30 years in business matching thousands of singles around the United States and even some from Europe and Latin America, the mother-daughter led team at Elite Connections International has honed their emotional intelligence to an art.

Emotionally intelligent people have developed a set of skills that allow them to capture the intricacies and nuances of human preferences and emotions more effectively. Here are some ways they approach this:

• Empathy: Emotionally intelligent individuals have a strong capacity for empathy. They can put themselves in others’ shoes, understand their perspectives, and recognize their emotions. By empathizing with others, they can better grasp their preferences and emotional experiences.
• Active Listening: Emotionally intelligent people are skilled at active listening. They pay close attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. Active listening helps them pick up on subtle signals and better understand the emotions and preferences of others.
• Emotional Awareness: Emotionally intelligent individuals have a high level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. They understand their own emotions and can accurately identify and regulate them. This self-awareness allows them to be more attuned to the emotions of others and interpret their preferences and needs more effectively.
• Open-mindedness: Emotionally intelligent individuals approach interactions with an open mind. They recognize that people have diverse preferences, perspectives, and emotions. They are willing to suspend judgment and explore different viewpoints, which helps them capture the nuances of human preferences and emotions.
• Curiosity and Inquiry: Emotionally intelligent people are curious about others. They ask thoughtful questions and show genuine interest in understanding individuals on a deeper level. By asking open-ended questions and encouraging others to express themselves, they gain insights into their preferences and emotions.
• Non-Verbal Communication: Emotionally intelligent individuals are attentive to non-verbal cues. They understand that communication goes beyond words and pay attention to body language, facial expressions, and gestures. These non-verbal signals can provide valuable information about someone’s preferences and emotions.
• Adaptability: Emotionally intelligent people are adaptable in their interactions. They recognize that different individuals may have varying preferences and emotional responses. They adjust their approach and communication style accordingly, tailoring their interactions to meet the specific needs of others.

Because emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved with practice, the 29 years that Elite Connections International has been in business sets them apart from other fly-by-night agencies. By having put in the tens of thousands of collective hours honing these skills, the Elite Connections International matchmaking team can better capture the intricacies and nuances of human preferences and emotions, helping and assisting their clients to foster more meaningful and empathetic connections with others.

Part of this process involves knowing what questions to ask to help the client reveal things about themselves that maybe they wouldn’t otherwise know how to communicate.

As professional matchmakers known as the best in the business, our goal is to facilitate meaningful connections between clients. Here are some examples of questions we might ask, that you can also ask yourself, to help you reveal aspects about yourselves that may not come up naturally or that you might struggle to communicate:

• What are your top three values in a potential partner, and why are they important to you?
• Can you share a memorable experience from a past relationship and what you learned from it?
• How would your closest friends or family members describe you in terms of your personality and relationship style?
• What are some of your long-term goals or aspirations, and how do you envision a partner fitting into that picture?
• Describe a typical day or weekend in your life. What activities or hobbies do you enjoy, and how would you like a partner to participate in them?
• Have you ever faced any significant challenges or setbacks in your life? How have they shaped you as a person and potentially influenced your approach to relationships?
• What are some qualities or traits you admire in others but feel you may lack? How would you like a partner to complement or support you in those areas?
• Do you have any deal-breakers or must-haves in a relationship? What are some non-negotiable qualities or values you’re seeking in a partner?
• Can you recall a time when you felt truly understood and supported by someone? What made that experience special, and how would you like to recreate it in a romantic relationship?
• What are your thoughts on communication and conflict resolution in a relationship? How do you typically express your needs or concerns, and how would you like a partner to navigate those discussions?

Elite Connections International strives to create a comfortable and non-judgmental environment where you feel safe sharing your thoughts and feelings. Active listening and follow-up questions can also help draw out more details and emotions.

But active listening isn’t just for matchmakers. Elite Connections International encourages our clients to develop active listening techniques to take with them on a first date. As some men and women have reported, there is nothing sexier than feeling like your partner truly listens to you and wants to hear what you have to say. As emotional beings, we find that it’s true for everyone that when someone is interested in us, we become more interesting.

Active listening is a communication technique that involves fully focusing on and understanding the speaker’s message. It goes beyond simply hearing the words and involves paying attention to the speaker’s verbal and non-verbal cues, showing empathy, and providing appropriate responses. And we all need to be reminded to be good listeners. Here’s a quick refresher course on the process of active listening:

• Pay attention: Give your undivided attention to the speaker. Maintain eye contact, face the person directly, and eliminate distractions. Show that you are fully present and engaged in the conversation.
• Show interest: Demonstrate genuine interest in what the speaker is saying. Use verbal and non-verbal cues such as nodding, smiling, and maintaining an open and receptive body posture to encourage the speaker to continue sharing.
• Avoid interrupting: Let the speaker express their thoughts without interruption. Avoid finishing their sentences or jumping in with your own thoughts. Give them space to fully articulate their ideas and feelings.
• Paraphrase: Summarize or paraphrase what the speaker has said to ensure your understanding and to show that you are actively listening. Use phrases like, “If I understand correctly, you’re saying…” or “So, what I gather is…”
• Reflect feelings: Pay attention to the speaker’s emotions and try to understand their underlying feelings. Reflect those feelings back to the speaker to demonstrate empathy. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you felt really frustrated in that situation” or “I can sense that you were excited about this opportunity.”
• Ask clarifying questions: If something is unclear or you need more information, ask open-ended questions to seek clarification. This shows that you are genuinely interested in understanding their perspective. Avoid leading or judgmental questions.
• Avoid judgment: Maintain a non-judgmental attitude throughout the conversation. Suspend any personal biases or preconceptions and listen with an open mind. Accept the speaker’s viewpoint without immediately evaluating or criticizing it.
• Provide feedback: Once the speaker has finished expressing their thoughts, offer feedback or responses that demonstrate your understanding and support. Acknowledge their perspective and validate their feelings. Avoid shifting the focus to yourself or giving unsolicited advice unless requested.
• Encourage further expression: If the speaker seems to have more to share or hasn’t fully expressed themselves, encourage them to elaborate by asking open-ended questions. This can help them delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings.
• Summarize and recap: Towards the end of the conversation, summarize the main points the speaker has made. This not only demonstrates your attentiveness but also helps ensure that both parties are on the same page and have a shared understanding.

By practicing active listening, you create a safe and supportive environment that encourages open communication, trust, and deeper connections with others.

In summary, AI can assist and enhance the matchmaking process by providing recommendations and analyzing data, but the human touch is likely to remain crucial in successful matchmaking for the indefinite future, due to the complexity of human relationships.