LA Matchmakers Explain Why Resentment Can Ruin a Relationship and How to Get Rid of It
Your significant other has done something that you disapprove of. You would have never done such a thing. These events could lead to ongoing resentment and anger in your relationship.
When not handled with effective communication, even the most mundane resentments in your relationship could cause huge marital problems. What starts off as a small grudge can become rage and anger that you hold onto during your entire relationship. If left unchecked, the anger can take a multitude of emotional resources to undo. It is much better to deal with the resentment quickly than to let it spiral out of control and consume your relationship.
So what is the best solution to deal with resentment? The best plan of attack is to have open communication and be more empathetic towards your partner. This will help you to understand them and see things from their perspective. Elite Connections professional matchmakers have come up with a few tips to encourage empathy towards the resented partners.
1. Engage in daily empathic actions
Empathy isn’t a trait that everyone has; some people have to work at it. It’s important to practice empathy daily. This can be done by checking in on your partner about their feelings, looking them in the eye, and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Once it becomes a routine, resentment becomes a thing of the past.
2. Always use “I” statements, and not “You”
In a relationship, it’s better to communicate with “I” statements. For example, “I feel hurt by this action for this reason.” Using “You” phrases can sound critical and insulting, which may anger your partner. Now you’re both angry and this could have been avoided by rephrasing your thoughts.
3. Before speaking, count to ten
Gather your thoughts first before spewing out anything and everything that comes to mind. When you’re angry, it’s hard to hold yourself back. So if you take the time to choose your words more carefully, you avoid saying something you’ll regret.
4. Practice active listening
Many couple’s fights can come about because someone wasn’t listening. Repeat back what you’ve heard to confirm you’re both on the same page.
5. Our LA matchmaking team suggest meeting in the middle
An argument has erupted and you both think you’re right so neither one apologizes. The anger continues to grow as you both wait for the other to say they were wrong and ask for forgiveness, but this could take a while. You can avoid all of this by just meeting in the middle. Each say your piece calmly, communicate effectively, and move on.
Empathy is the remedy to resentment and anger in relationships. Feelings of empathy also help to reduce anxiety. Not only will you come to a mutual understanding with your partner, you will both feel calmer. Making empathy a consistent part of your relationship has many benefits, such as getting along better, feeling more connected, and less stressed.