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Single Parents Dating Advice

By Elite Connections Matchmaker Keri Roberts

As matchmakers, we have seen all the mistakes single parents make in their early attempts to date.

Mistake #1:  jumping in too soon! Once separated and the divorce papers are filed, some moms and dads are too quick to get out there. Unless they've taken the required time (minimum one year if they do all the right stuff) to reflect, soul-search, see a therapist and understand what caused the demise of the marriage, it's premature to be dating.  If they show signs of still being angry, hurt, sad or depressed, dating is a no-no until those emotions have dramatically subsided or gone away.

Mistake #2: introducing the kids. Divorce is hard enough on children, and parents must compatmentalize their dating life and shield it from the kids until a serious relationship has developed into one with a high likelihood of lasting. More importantly, a parent needs to gauge when kids are ready to meet the new person in mom's or dad's life. This can be tricky to assess, so err on the cautious side. Kids get attached easily, so the last thing they need is to suffer another break-up and abandonment. Divorced parents have to work especially hard to give kids a sense of security and model what a healthy relationship (and eventual marriage) ought to be.  Kids often feel threatened by a newcomer, shattering all their hopes for mom and dad to someday come back together.

Mistake #3: sharing the soap opera.  Dating is supposed to be fun, and nothing is more repelling than someone who drones on about how horrible their ex is.  Everyone has baggage but the smart ones don't carry it on dates and into the early phase of dating someone they like. You don't want to hear their mellow-drama and they don't need to hear yours, so zip it until your new love is ready and willing to hear you vent about the ex.  Even then, it's best not to disparage  the mother or father of your children.

Mistake #4:  too much chatter about your kids.  Nobody likes playing second fiddle, and if you can't find something more interesting to talk about than your offspring, then you won't get many second and third dates.  Your date is there to get acquainted with you, not hear adnauseum about the young people in your life that, chances are, they'll never even meet.  It's not all that interesting hearing about someone else's kids until you fall for the person and naturally want to meet the family.

If you're a parent who's newly single, be sure you're well-prepared emotionally, physically and spiritually to face the prospect of dating with the relative strength and ease that most people fresh out of divorce rarely have. ♥

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