I’ve been a South Bay and Los Angeles matchmaker for over twenty-three years. I’ve heard all the stories from my clients about dating online. So I feel I’m an expert in online dating problems.
Sure, the vast and wonderful web has transformed life as we know it over the last decade or two.
And yes, we all know at least one couple whose happily-ever-after-story began “once upon an on-line dating site…” They found their true love this way, and you can too!
Searching for that perfect pair of shoes or nutritional supplement may be easy, but anyone who’s shopped the web knows it still takes time.
Anything is possible when you let your fingers do the clicking and join the gazillions of men and women looking for love or heaven-only-knows-what-else! Everyone and their brother is out there sitting in front of a screen, waiting and hoping to connect, exchange email with the hottie of their dreams and maybe, just maybe, even meet her or him at a Starbucks somewhere in between your two lonely screens.
Honestly, how many hours, days, months or years have most people spent perched in front of their computers, laptops, iPads and even smart phones searching, reading, typing and clicking till bleary-eyed and hunched over that keyboard or keypad into the wee hours? Searching for that perfect pair of shoes or nutritional supplement may be easy, but anyone who’s shopped the web knows it still takes time. Sometimes, it’s faster to run to the store to get what you need for the same price sans shipping.
So imagine the challenges and limitations of trying to shop for a human being on the web! Oftentimes, you’re better off jumping in the car and going someplace where there are real live people walking around! Who knows if they’re married and just not wearing a ring. There’s no guarantee of marital status on the web either. In fact, statistics say a good percentage of folks posturing themselves on-line are married, involved or just looky-loos with no intention of ever meeting off-line. It’s not unlike window or catalog shopping; they’re looking but with no intention to buy.
They say time is money, so considering the sheer tonnage of time wasted on-line, how much have you spent and how much is your time worth? When you’re ready for a selective and far more dignified approach, swap out your mouse for a real live matchmaker to guide you along a faster, smoother path to meeting your mate. You will wonder why you didn’t turn to the experts sooner!
An excerpt from a Glamour article was sent to me by a friend of mine who thought addressing the subject matter may help a friend of hers who seems to be in a perpetual cycle of bad dates and dead-end romances. This is not the only girl I know with this problem. Another friend of mine could easily swing an “A” on a college exam, but can’t seem to make it past the third date with a guy.
Keep the drinks to a minimum and your mouth zipped. Mystery is one of the keys to attractiveness.
Beauty and brains are not the hindrance of these two acquaintances as they are college-educated, interesting, funny and beautiful; the whole package, right? Possibly. Except, according to the article I read, those qualities may not be sufficient when it comes to “wowing” a guy during date number one; the most crucial period of all. Below is a list of dating mistakes many women make:
Women want instant gratification at all times, so we tend to go on too many unproductive dates, therefore meeting losers like men who still live at home or have posters above their beds (I’ve met a lot of clowns in my time). If you are in a cycle where quantity has surpassed quality in the men you are meeting, it may be time to take a dating rain check, clear your negative energy and start over with dating only good guys, even up your age range a bit (older = more mature) who have real potential. Although you may end up with one good date a year, it sure beats drowning your own quality and energy wasting time on nobodies.
Chill out on the alcohol (AKA, truth serum) because probably the number one, and most embarrassing, mistake many women make is indulging way too much info as if the guy sitting across from them were their mother, best friend, or doctor. Keep the drinks to a minimum and your mouth zipped. Mystery is one of the keys to attractiveness.
An addition to the rule above is to allow the poor guy to talk for once! I get it. I’m a girl, too and I know how much we love to gab. But allowing him to direct the conversation will also ensure that you don’t spill too much. Instead, follow his lead. Allow him to talk three times as much, and then respond by leading with what he is discussing. Think his turn, his turn, his turn, now yours.
Mind your manners. We’re talking the stuff you learned while you were still in diapers. Smile, be polite, make eye contact and be thankful and appreciative. Manners are key and will set you apart from everyone else when it comes down to it. Many people these days lack this most imperative trait.
“Women who travel in packs do not attract.” Girls, I am all about sisterhood. There is nothing better than getting a group of your favorite girls together and hitting the town. But if you’re expecting a guy to approach you when you have an army of sisterly bodyguards backing you, trust me, he would rather run the other way and into the arms of the bearded woman munching on nachos at the other end of the bar than risk getting shot down in front of your gaggle of girls. If you really want to appear intriguing, try going solo to a lounge or restaurant and indulge in a good book. I promise you at this point, a number is headed your way.
Maybe you’ve already heard the popular expression that went from being the fountain of youth of vital dating information, to a Sex and the City episode, to a best-seller book, to a movie, but there may be a good chance “he’s just not that into you.” A man knows instantly whether he’s attracted to you and if he wants it to go to the next level. Women, on the other hand, are crock-pots. They take a while to “warm up” to a guy, only after decoding information they’ve taken in. Men simply do not. If they like you, they will show you. ‘Nuff said.
Finally, outsource. The most entrepreneurial and business-wise people do it in nearly every aspect of their professional lives, so why not do so in terms of your personal life? Hire a matchmaking agency to filter out the weeds for you and find you a guy worth your sparse free time. Remember: you get what you pay for. Forty bucks a month online will get you just that – cheap men who aren’t very serious about putting their investment into a relationship, so they have the time to sit at home on their laptops and waste yours. A legitimate dating agency attracts only serious-minded and successful individuals who are smart enough (and have enough dough) to put their most personal desires into the hands of specialists. You hire people to clean your home, run your errands or watch your dog, so humble up and admit it’s tough finding Mr. Right – let a professional do it for you!