Free Advice Column 

" Matters Of The Heart" is a popular dating advice column, published in The Beach Reporter (a South Bay newspaper) for over nine years. The weekly column featured questions from single readers, addressing dating dilemmas and relationship questions. Sherri Murphy, founder of Elite Connections. and Keri Roberts, an ten-year veteran of the matchmaking business, offer a decade of experience in the area of helping single men and women find life partners. Sherri and Keri each met her husband though personal matchmaking services and have dedicated themselves to helping others do the same.

Authors Sherri Murphy & Keri Roberts

Email Us your dating dilemma! You will receive an answer within 48 hours.

SHOULD I DATE MY EX-BROTHER IN-LAW?

Dear Sherri and Keri,
I’ve been divorced for 2 years and have a 4 year-old son. I haven’t been dating at all, but there is someone who's called to ask me out recently. He is 34, and I'm going to be 30 soon.  He has a good job and lives in a nice area, but I've put him off. He’s a great guy, and my sister should have never divorced him. My friends say I’m crazy, that I’ll start a war. What do you think?
Lisa, 29, Redondo Beach

Dear Lisa,
We agree 100% with your friends!  It's a definite no-no to date an ex-in-law!  If you value your relationship with your sister at all, you will respectfully and firmly decline the overtures of her ex-husband and perish the thought of ever dating him, regardless of how great he may (or may not) be!  We honestly question his integrity and judgment, and you should too!

MY LUNCH WITH MR. NEGATIVITY

Dear Sherri and Keri,
I met Stan for lunch today, and all he talked about was his adult son who's sick and his awful ex-wife. I listened and could tell he's a good guy, but why is anyone compelled to drone on about such negative things in their life, especially on a first date? I don't want to go out with him again.  What woman would?
Mary, 41, Calabasas

 Dear Mary,
The simple answer is this.  When people have unresolved issues eating at them, they have a tendency to chew off the ears of anyone who will listen.  It's a way to process "stuff" that's bothering them.  It was gracious of you to listen, but you might have found a tactful way to divert the discussion to more pleasant topics and, perhaps, point out it's a lunch date not a therapy session.  If he calls to ask you out again, nicely thank him for lunch and explain that you feel it's premature for him to be dating until he's resolved some things in his personal life. 

NEED A SUPER SUCCESSFUL MAN!

Dear Sherri and Keri,
I divorced my husband several years ago and later got involved in a relationship that lasted about 5 years.  Given my long marriage and subsequent 5-year relationship, I have zero experience with dating but a pretty good idea of what I need in a man and a relationship.  I own a successful business that affords me and my children a very nice lifestyle, but it's extremely difficult meeting men of the right age who make as much as I do.  As an example of what I mean, I wouldn't want to have to foot the bill on any world travel that we'd do together.  Rather, I need to be with someone whose financial standing would never require me to pay.  This may sound elitist and wrong, but I'm just being honest about the way it is for me.  I'm in my mid 40's and see myself with someone in his 50's or even 60.  I just know that it's problematic for me to get seriously involved with anyone who's making less than half million a year.  Any ideas?
Allison, 46, Business Owner, South Bay 

Dear Allison,
We certainly understand your position on matters of a man's financial status, but we think you're requirements in this regard are somewhat limiting and unrealistic.  Let's take, for example, a man in his 50's with grown children in or already graduated from college.  Let's say he's a businessman or successful professional looking to share his life, travel and nice lifestyle now and beyond retirement.  He owns his home and other real estate, has investments that provide security and some kind of six-figure income.  If he wanted to meet you, would you turn him down?  Working with matchmakers like us is the right approach to being selective yet well-informed about the gentlemen you're meeting.  You can relax and enjoy meeting men who have been carefully selected to meet your requirements, so fret no more!