Anyone who’s been single and dating for any time at all knows that connecting is full of short-circuits.
Some women feel that to be feminine they need to wait for the man to call.
Take the example of a recent match-up in which a pair meets for coffee and end up in his car necking and groveling like two high school students.
It went from hot and heavy with sparks flying to stone cold and going nowhere fast.
Women don’t give men enough encouragement, says matchmaking veteran Keri Roberts, of their interest or lack thereof. Some women feel that to be feminine they need to wait for the man to call.
But the message we, as matchmakers, want to get across to women, says Roberts, is that men need a “green light” in order to call and not risk being rejected. So if the woman is interested in someone she has a first date with, she needs to convey her interest–non-verbally and/or verbally–during the date so the man knows she’d love to hear from and see him again. Playing hard-to-get is a thing of the past and the wrong thing to do with men!
The other mistake women often make is giving mixed messages. She seems engaged, interested and even makes physical contact with him when she is not actually interested in him at all. That’s what you call a big tease, and it’s a no-no for women to lead a guy on.
It’s common courtesy for a woman to call and thank a man for the date and nice time together. However, some men find it tough to tell the difference between a woman who’s genuinely interested in him and one who is simply being polite.
So whether left in a voicemail or connecting by phone to say so, she should let him know–very clearly and succinctly–that she didn’t feel a special connection but wishes him all the best on his quest. This is where your matchmaker can step in and ask questions in your behalf. They can find out what happened and where things went wrong or right.
As veteran matchmakers for all these years we notice certain aspects of dating and mating that seem to make or break a match that clicks and lasts.
It made me think how many other men must be out there spinning their wheels and shelling out cash for dates with women, no matter how gorgeous.
Take for example a new client–we’ll call him Dan–a sharp, nice-looking professional and single dad whose gotten so disgusted with dull dates that, at the age of 40, he’s ready to turn his dating life over to the pros. Yes, it’s time for Dan to surrender to the matchmaking gods..or goddesses, as the case may be!
Contrary to urban legend that goes something like this: all men under the age of 50 are looking for 25 year-olds. This is not the case with Dan, my friends! He’s looking to meet lovelies up to 45, five years his senior! Fathom that, ladies!
So far so good. I’m already predicting great success for this reasonable and enlightened fellow.
But wait! What’s this about wanting a tallish (and did I mention busty?) blonde who’s no less than hot? No problemo. We have hot 30 and 40-somethings who hit the gym hard and often to keep their rockin’ bodies lean and toned well into their 50’s. We’re talking serious bods, gentleman!
And then he drops the bomb! He’s really not interested in having more babies! Okay…that only rules out maybe 90% of the female matchmaking pool under 40, many of whom pray for the day they get to say to a dreamy dad like Dan: “honey, we’re havin’ a baby!”
Hmmm…finding a match in that minuscule 10% under 40 who don’t have and/or want kids along with dozens in their early to mid 40’s should leave us a gaggle to chose from. But left to his own devices, finding “her” might seem like the proverbial needle in the haystack.
I can’t help but wonder how many dead end dates he’s had with a bevy of buxom beauties in their 30’s who bailed upon hearing his true confession about siring no more children.
It made me think how many other men must be out there spinning their wheels and shelling out cash for dates with women, no matter how gorgeous, that have conflicting agendas like she wants babies bad and he’s definitely done.
So meeting attractive women 45 and under with a child or two is the winning formula for dapper Dan. And as his matchmakers, it’s our job to dial him into the women who are on the same page in their lives vis a vis kids. And bonus if she’s a busty blonde!
Ladies: Ever been on a date that seemed to go fine and then no phone call and nary another date out of him?
In other words, his physical attraction to you will have him jumping into action.
For men, it all boils down to attraction–physical and otherwise. Okay, it’s a fact men are visual and need to be attracted to you. And most men know after date #1 if there will even be a date #2!
Think of it this way, ladies. He’s either into you and will take action right away, or you can cross him off your list and keep looking for one who’s actions say loud and clear that you are his cup of “I-like- what-I-see”.
In other words, his physical attraction to you will have him jumping into action. Sure, some might be timid for a hot minute; but if the attraction is there for him, your phone will be ringing in less than a day or two. Unlike those of the gentler gender, a man’s approach (er…hot pursuit) is rarely subtle.
And please remember: talk is cheap. It’s his actions–not the flapping of his lips–that you must watch and learn to heed! Need I say more?