Dating Advice

Top Tips for Dating: The Best Ideas Our VIP Matchmaker has for Dating in LA

By Elite Connections Los Angeles Matchmaker and CEO Sherri Murphy

The struggles of dating in a big city? Oh, where to start? First of all, technology is more up to date now than it has ever been, especially in a city as big as Log Angeles. Now this is a great thing that has happened in the 21st century but unfortunately to the dating world, not so much. Everyone seems to be on their phones constantly these days! We get it, work is important and has been a priority but if you are trying to meet someone, do you really think having your phone glued to your hands is giving the right first impression? My advice with to this, if you have a date planned, make it a personal goal to put your phone down for the couple hours you are meeting with someone. If you don’t give them your 100% attention on the first date that’s a warning sign. They will be sure to end date number one with no date number two in mind.

This becomes a cycle for LA singles, and they end up going on many first dates rather than finding the right person to continue dating.

Dating in Los Angeles you can get lost in the thousands of other Los Angeles singles. Los Angeles singles are simply spoiled with too many choices. Everywhere we go there seems to be a new way to meet singles. There are mutual friends trying to hook you up, speed dating, slow dating, quick drink dates, elite dating services, matchmaking services and 100 different online dating sites to choose from. No matter where we look there is someone telling Los Angeles singles they have the answer to their prayers. The amount of choices is overwhelming! Everyone is looking for the quick fix. They jump into the newest dating trend without fully thinking it through. We’ve become a generation that makes quick decisions based on the moment, regardless of if it will bring them a successful future. This becomes a cycle for LA singles, and they end up going on many first dates rather than finding the right person to continue dating. An example of this is online dating, many people choose who their date will be based solely on their photos, they don’t even bother to look over their profile to see who this person really is and what they consist of. This is unfortunately how many people pass up someone who could potentially be a lifelong partner for them.

It might be hard to believe, but there are simply too many single fish in the Los Angeles singles sea! Recently, people have changed their attitude about dating and commitment. Thanks to the use of modern technology more people are turning to online dating to find their special someone. Online dating in the LA area has opened up access to millions of singles. With an overabundance of singles and this quick approach to dating, we can meet people with simply a click of a mouse. A set back with this is that there are just too many choices, you’re constantly second guessing yourself about who to date. Will I find someone younger, better looking, more financially stable etc.. I just have to keep scrolling? So, we scan past people picking them apart and looking only at the surface. We judge fast and harshly when sitting behind out computer screens. This is the second struggle with dating in LA. There is so much competition. Whether singles are conscious of it or not, they are always looking for the next best thing. If one person doesn’t work out, without a blink of an eye they are on to the next one.

Now with this in mind, I’m going to tell you what it was like when I first started my matchmaking agency 21 years ago. As the internet came into play, it slowed our business down for a few years. But as time went by, people got fed up with the fast paced online dating furry and came running to us in crowds. They were tired of meeting liars and con-people. Yes, I have friends that have met their significant other while dating online, but many more that were hood-winked and just wasting their time. Serious singles come to us because they don’t want the stress of wondering if the person they have been talking to will turn out to be honest. They want to meet quality people who have been screened personally by our matchmakers and are looking for a committed relationship like themselves. They take comfort in knowing they will find that here.

Studies show that singles in LA are looking for help now more than ever. It’s a busy, fast paced town and unless you’re looking in the right areas, all the wrong people will come your way. At an elite dating service, less is more. You have qualified singles and a matchmaker that wants to help you find the person of your dreams. Joining with the right matchmaking agency can take the stress off yourself, you no longer have to worry about going out and finding the right person. We go over every detail with clients for what they are searching for, everything from interests and hobbies, to your religious and ethnic background, your match maker will take into consideration what is important to you when searching for you. We find out what your priorities are with dating, so that we can send you in the right direction.

One thing all single people have in common… they all have this picture perfect person in their head of who they are looking for. Well, I hate to break the news to you, but there is no such thing as a perfect person. Everyone has deal breakers and issues that are the most important in looking for a mate. What are the most important issues for you? Do you want to have children, do you want to find someone who shares the same religious views, educational background, someone that likes the ocean, hiking, going to museums, traveling or all the above? Whatever your criteria, there is someone out there that will the perfect match. The best part of working with our LA matchmakers is that they have a huge database to pull from and a better chance of finding the person with all the important qualities you are looking for. Dating online is like panning for gold. It’s time to give up on it and try something new.

Talk to the LA matchmakers at Elite Connections, get great dating advice and see if they can find that special person you’ve been searching for.

Not Willing To Settle

By Elite Connections Matchmaker Keri Roberts

As long-time matchmakers of an elite dating service in Southern California, we are no strangers to the familiar phrase “I’m just real picky and not willing to settle!”

Our matchmakers response to this is… then you might as well settle for being alone!

Finding the time to date–let alone develop a relationship–can prove challenging and downright impossible for some.

For most people who married, had a family and ended up divorced, life is far more complicated than in their carefree single days of yesteryear.  For starters, juggling work, family and a personal life can feel like a three-ring circus act.   Finding the time to date–let alone develop a relationship–can prove challenging and downright  impossible for some.

Because getting out there and dating requires conscious effort, not to mention good chunks of time and energy, many men and women throw in the towel on ever meeting Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful.  They let themselves off the hook by saying “I’m really picky and would rather be alone than settle for less”.

Truth is they long for loving partnership but have set unreasonable standards for a mate.

Take Denise, as an example. A successful realtor who was married twice in her 20’s and 30’s and single for 20 years since.  She puts in 80-hour weeks, works weekends and has her own business and properties to keep afloat.  Her biggest problem is not meeting men but meeting ones she is physically attracted to and not “too old”.  She is 54, and the beau she just broke up with is at least 7 years her junior, tall, very nice-looking and here’s the rub…flat broke!

So Denise won’t settle for anything less than tall, youthful and good-looking.  And yet she ends up with a man-child who lives with her and can’t even pay his own bills, let alone help out with hers!

Next time you hear someone say those familiar words about not wanting to settle, rest assured they haven’t the foggiest idea what they really want, and they certainly haven’t a clue how to recognize who and what a compatible partner for them looks and feels like.

Joining an elite dating service can really get rid of the frustration of dating. Savvy single people are smart to seek help from professional matchmakers who can help them navigate the treacherous waters of singledom to meet the one who keeps evading them because they are venturing out without a map.

Great Dates On A Budget

By Elite Connections Matchmaker Tiffney Thirlwell

An April issue of a popular woman’s magazine had an article appropriate for our current economical crunch titled, “Why You Get More Love when He’s got Less Money”. I can’t vouch for whether or not I get more lovin’ during an economic downswing since I’ve read in previous literature that financial hard times actually diminish a guy’s mojo, but I can say that anyone can have a great time for practically nothing, which works those creative muscles in your brain and gives any relationship some added originality.

Check out a museum or photography exhibit, like the Annenberg Space for Photography or the Getty Center. The only cash you’ll be shelling out of your pocket is for the parking.

Below is a surefire list of entertainment that makes for great bonding time with your loved ones that won’t burn a hole in your pocket:

Visit your local pet store and fawn over the irresistible little creatures. Then silently smirk as your guy’s well-hidden paternal side becomes exposed…if only for a moment.

Check out a museum or photography exhibit, like the Annenberg Space for Photography or the Getty Center. The only cash you’ll be shelling out of your pocket is for the parking.

People watch at Venice Beach or the Santa Monica Pier. Getting out and breathing that fresh ocean air is a gift in and of itself.

Stop by an affordable home furnishing store and imagine how you’d both want to re-decorate your home. It allows you to tap into your womanly “nesting” mode in a covert way, and when you’re more financially capable, you could actually return to purchase the items you liked without breaking the bank.

Visit a local festival or art fair. One at a church or other religious organization may only ask for a donation to enjoy the festivities, but there’s normally a band playing where you can sit back and people watch or peruse the booths loaded with bric-a-brac.

Video games. Even if you’re out-of-date with the latest system (who can keep track these days? I still own Super Nintendo) it’ll give you and your guy some healthy competition and pass the time quickly. You can even come up with a reward for the winner; think: strip-Mario Kart.

It’s a bit cliché, but have a picnic. Pack sophisticated treats such as brie and grapes, prosciutto, sparkling cider and dark chocolate (better for you, and less calories!).

Stay in and have a movie or TV show marathon. Sign up for Netflix for as low as $5.99 a month, or hit up Hulu.com for a variety of hit TV shows.

Visit the dealership of your favorite car company and browse the models. Sit in them, play with all the fun compartments, and go for a test drive in the most luxurious ones. Have fun making believe you can actually afford the extravagance while getting those pesky salesmen off their behinds. An added bonus: it’s a boost to the ego having somebody practically kiss your feet for potential commission. Hey, it’s a tough economy.

Play some good old-fashioned games-for-two such as Monopoly, Scattergories or Mad Libs. You could add your own fun twist by changing or adding onto the rules a bit to make it more exclusive.

Pick up a good book, pack a blanket and sit under a tree at your nearest park. It’s the simple pleasures in life sometimes.

Biggest Dating Mistakes People Make

By Elite Connections Matchmaker Tiffney Thirlwell

There are many factors involved in the dating process, some of which we have no control over. Chemistry is the strongest and most subconscious element that will determine if there is to be a date number two, three, four, and so on. However, there are several mistakes many single individuals make when it comes to their expectations in the dating arena. I have noted several key blunders daters frequently make below, which is keeping many of them in the “Single” category:

Don’t talk all about yourself too much, engage in the other person, ask questions and know your turn will come.

Impatience – Women, this is directed toward you if you expect instant fireworks the moment after leaving the first date. Even the strongest potential chemistry can be eclipsed by impatience. It is proven that chemistry, especially for women, can develop over a period of time, usually between the third or even fifth date. Sure, a pretty face and nice body is always an added bonus, but give the guy a chance to show you who he is in character, values and long term potential. Men, this is directed toward you if you expect to get under her skirt by the first couple of dates. We know by now that you are visual creatures, but same rule applies: give it several dates before attempting to get physical, no matter how incredible she looks in that LBD. Abstaining from sex early on will allow you to get to know who she is “up there” and conversely heighten her respect for you. Sure, it’s old school, but it still works even in today’s sexual revolution.

Revealing too much too soon – Yes, we all have baggage, baby-daddy drama or weight loss (or weight gain) narratives. But nothing kills mystery faster than releasing a tell-all account of everything under the sun of your thespian life, and mystery is elemental in cultivating an attraction that will last for the months to come. If you have the “I am who I am, so take me or leave me” mentality, then you will remain single – guaranteed. Certainly, it is true that once in a committed relationship, you take on one another’s foibles by choice after the emotional bond has been produced, but your date doesn’t owe you his emotional support and steadfast dedication, particularly upon first meeting you.

Unrealistic expectations – This is directed toward the mind sets that include the following “beliefs”: I want a man that is super successful but has a lot of free time to spend with me…and he has to be tall, and handsome, and have no children, and has mutual chemistry.” Or “I want a woman who is gorgeous, and thin, and educated, and has a good job, and is normal and positive, and has no baggage, and who can travel with me and is younger, and is not interested in my money, and…and…and.” I’ll tell you right now, ladies: there is a reason a man is typically uber successful, and that’s not from gallivanting around the globe each day keeping you company. If success is what you are ultimately seeking, even that comes with a sacrifice. And men, if you’re asking for a girl 20 years your junior to want to date you for the person you are and not what you can provide, you may as well spend your weekends in the Pacific Northwest hunting Sasquatch. You want the whole package? Well, so does every one else on this planet. Setting the bar too high in a lot of cases, will in due course pick you out of the pickings. It’s like the old adage goes: beggars can’t be choosers. In the end, it should only matter that you are with a decent person who loves, respects and cherishes you, and will be your best friend. Expect even that physical chemistry to fade after a couple years together. What is left from that should be the determining factor in being with the person.

Not minding your manners – It’s pretty basic, people. Gentlemen, open the door for the lady and allow her to walk in first, pay for the dinner and, please, do not forget her valet. Ladies, be appreciative and say “Thank you” for the date, for him picking you up, whatever. Don’t talk all about yourself too much, engage in the other person, ask questions and know your turn will come. To all daters: table manners are key, as are personal hygiene.

Allowing a photo to determine “chemistry” – This statement in and of itself is ludicrous and close-minded, since chemistry is defined as “the interaction of one personality with another”. With that said, you can not establish chemistry by looking at a photograph. As a matchmaker for several years, it is my personal belief that most of my clients look much better in person, especially the men, since they are not the ones typically out at night practicing their best pouty-lipped pose doing the arm-outstretched photos with their friends one hundred times over. Not only that, but chemistry is all concluded in the face-to-face interaction and personal rapport with someone else. Seeing them at different angles with their various facial expressions and cute idiosyncrasies in a natural relaxed setting rather than awkwardly slapping on a fake smile and cheesy pose for a photograph is the only determinant for chemistry. In conclusion, taking the time to shake their hand may just land you the love of your life.

Keep in mind there is always someone out there who is richer/prettier/more marketable than you – If this sounds harsh, it is just my way of reminding you to keep your ego in check. If you think you are God’s gift to the single world, yet you are still single, maybe some introspection is in order. If you have this attitude coupled with the notion that you deserve the best of the best and no one is good enough for you, then they will get the hint that they’re not good enough, and leave you standing in their dust. There are plenty of people out there without a never-ending checklist of their “perfect mate” who are easier to get along with, and trust me, they look  10 times better than someone with a bar set to boundless heights. Dating is about respect, reality, and most importantly, humility.